Don McClaire tackles tough editing problems, as seen in the following before-and-after example from a recent editing job. The scene takes place between two male friends in a bar. Here’s the before:
Hey case and point counselor, remember what we were just talking about well when you go for your beer mug at the bar, slowly look over your shoulder gesturing at a very seductive looking woman at the opposite end of the bar. Now, she looks like she needs some company so I am going to see what I can do to help. Now, my friend she is drinking a beer, so I guess I will be playing pool with her. You’re a piece of work; go ahead, do what you got to do. I’ll call you tomorrow, but I still love you, don’t leave yet. As Rob stands up grabbing the beer mug in his hand, hopefully, she loves me too. But listen, I will prove it to you, if she looks up at me once she’s just glancing but if she looks at me twice or the first stare doesn’t stop until I pass her line of site well then she is interested and if she is interested, I am going home with her.
See its problems? All the information is there, but it’s hard to follow, and is not presented in a way acceptable to a publication’s editor. Following is that same passage after McClaire edited it:
Tom sipped his own beer, and wiped foam from his mouth. “Whatever you say, Dude.”
“Hey, here’s a case in point, counselor. Look at that woman end of the bar. She looks like she needs company, so maybe I’ll help her out.”
Tom faked reaching for the pretzel dish, and glanced her way.
“See? She’s drinking a beer, so I guess I’ll be playing pool with her.”
Tom stuffed a pretzel into his mouth. “You’re a real piece of work, you know that? Go ahead, see what you can do.”
Rob stood and grabbed his beer. “Listen—I’ll prove it to you. If she looks at me once, she’s just glancing. But if she looks twice, or doesn’t stop staring until I pass her, she’s interested. And if she’s interested, I’m going home with her.”
About the Author
DON McCLAIRE uses forty years of editing and writing experience to help both fiction and non-fiction writers polish their work for publication. He’s spent his career as a magazine editor (11 years), award-winning public relations executive (six years), head of his own marketing communications firm (21 years), professional editor, and writing instructor. He’s written and placed hundreds of press releases and trade magazine articles, and has produced three non-fiction “how-to” books two young-adult novels, and four Donna McClaire-bylined romance novels, all published. McClaire’s work won him The Public Relations Association’s highest award, the Silver Anvil, plus two Golden Trumpets from the Chicago Public Relations Associarion.
McClaire knows firsthand, after editing for others for years and judging numerous writing contest entries, the many mistakes unpublished writers make. He spreads this knowledge by conducting workshops at weekend writing conferences and teaching two online writing classes: Editor-Proof That First Chapter for WriterUniv.com, and 21 Steps to Fog-Free Writing, at WritersOnlineClasses.com.
He'll edit your manuscript, correcting
things you may have been doing wrong your whole writing career. Areas of focus include appearance, hooks, plot, motivation, dialogue,
setting, point of view, research, conflict, and voice. He'll also edit weak verb forms, strip away
author intrusions, identify character filters, ban redundancies, eliminate
foggy phrases, correct passive voice sentences, slash misused and
overused words, and correct other writing bugaboos. These are all
problems an acquisitions editor or literary agent won't take the time or effort to tell you about, but they could keep
you from being published!
"I’m going back and redoing everything I’ve everwritten…ever! When you edited the first chapter of my latest manuscript, you opened my eyes to a whole new world—and that’s way too cheesy to be an exaggeration! I can’t thank you enough for the
profound impact you’ve had on my work. I don’t think it was coincidence that I received my first contract hardly a month after you set me straight!" Amber W. Shedeck,
w/a Amber Leigh Williams,
Fairhope, Alabama
6. Describe your project: (e.g., book, business document, dissertation)
7. Describe the level of writing or editing required: (e.g., copyediting, proofreading, content editing, fact-checking, ghostwriting, formatting)
8. Current word count of document:
9. Your deadline date:
10. Required manual of style, if any: (e.g., Chicago Manual, APA, MLA, AP, AAA, CBE/CSE)
11. If you are a student, please provide the URL of your university's style manual:
12. Number of charts, tables, and pictures: ____________ Do you need them edited and/or formatted?
13. Do you have a budget for the project? (Please be specific.)
14. Number of footnotes and entries in reference list:
15. Do you want to contact a particular writer/editor?
16. How did you learn about our service?
Attach a sample chapter/section or other important documents related to your project. Please zip large files (max 1MB)
YOUR NAME MUST BE IN YOUR SAMPLE DOCUMENT OR IT CAN BE THE FILE NAME (e.g., johnsmith.doc).
A sample of the material is required to receive a quote for services. If you did not send a sample and/or description of the project with your first submission, please resend.
Once your e-mail is received, the network coordinator will forward it (plus any attached files) to the consultants you selected. If no selection is made, your submission will be forwarded to several consultants who might be a good match. Final choice of consultant is yours.
If you do not receive a response within 3 hours (M-F, 7a-7p Eastern), please RESEND your submission. You may also use the chat button or leave a message: 469-789-3030.
Allow a longer response time if you sent your submission during the weekend or after U.S. business hours.
All of the consultants listed on this site are freelance. They are located throughout the U.S. The coordinator cannot answer cost/timeframe questions for each consultant. You must go through the submission process to receive direct responses from the consultants listed on this site.
